A Letter To My Future Child

Dear child,

I have been thinking what would you be like when you come into my life. I have been expecting you. Thinking to myself what kind of mother would I be, I though that I want to be your best mom that you will ever be proud of. I wonder what would it be like when you grow in my womb. I wonder how your kick in my tummy would be like. I wonder how much pain would I suffer in fight to give a life to you. I wonder if I am still awake to hear your first cry. I wonder how would you look like. I wonder how tiny would you be in my arms when you are first put into my hands... I want to deliver you healthily and safely.

Dear child,

What would it be like for me to grow with you? I thought to myself that I want to go through every cries and laughter with you, bitter or sweet, in good times and in bad times. I wonder how would I react when you start to say the first words or step the first step. I know I would be proud to have you. I want to love you more than anything else. I want to see you smile and play happily. Learn new things and explore new worlds. I want to go through with you. You will be my precious.

Dear child,

How would it be when you first step into school without my presence. Would you cry or would you be brave? Don't worry, I will keep watch of you from far. I want you to learn to make new friends, discover new things and learn to communicate with the world. I wonder how would you come home to tell me of the things your friends did to you or done together - sharing jokes and laughter, playing games - learning how to conquer your world. I wonder how would you cope with your studies... don't you worry, I will go through it all with you. We shall learn together.

Dear child,

Would you be interested to learn music? Or perhaps play sports? How active are you? I wonder to myself, would you share everything you learn with me? Would you express your feelings to me? I want to go through everything with you as you are my flesh and blood. I wonder what would be your talent, we shall discover your talents one by one - me and you.

Dear child,

I wonder how great it would be we could bake cakes together, experiment new recipe and surprise daddy with our new inventions. I wonder how wonderful it would be when we fix home, paint new colors into our home. I thought to myself, perhaps we will make a great team to fix our home into a warm and comfy one.

Dear child,

Would you hate me during your puberty? Would you ignore me when you found yourself trying to become an adult? Would we scream at each other during times of missed communication? Would you hate me? I hope you don't, I want to go through all these with you. I want to be your best friend and learn to love each other more and more.

Dear child,

I wonder how proud I would be when I see you achieving great goals with flying colors. But don't worry about failures, we plant a better character in us when we learn from failures. I will go through this with you. Be strong and persevere. Be patient. I hope to listen to your sharing about life from your perspective. I want to learn from you. I want to be your best friend.

Dear child,

My thoughts indeed went far far and beyond even before you existed into my life... I wonder of the times when you first graduated from a grad school. I wonder if you do work hard for it, did you ever eat and sleep well? I hope you do... I hope you have fun during your university life. It is fun. I want to see the vibrant you. I hope to hear stories from you. I want to go through all with you.

Dear child,

I wonder when would it be your first love. I know you will learn to get hurt by someone or by your best friend. I am always ever open to listen to your bad times and give you a warm hug when you need it. Love hurts but it is worth it. You learn from loving and love is also what I have for you.

Dear child,

I thought to myself of the first day of your wedding, I think I would be touched and tears of joy would be rolling down my cheek. I wonder how would you share about your marriage with me. I wonder how your stories would be. I want to listen to you. I want to be there with you even though you are starting a new life without needing my worries anymore. I love you, I know I shouldn't worry too much - you have to learn to fly on your own.

Dear child,

I hope I do give you a great life to live with me. I wouldn't neglect you nor would I say things that do not make sense. I wouldn't ignore or treat you cold wars. You are my precious. I will never scold you in my worst emotions that your are worthless. I will never say things to crush your soul. I want to be your edifying and loving mother. I hope to be your best. I love you dearly and you are God-given to me. I will treasure you with all my heart and soul.

Dear child,

Smile... I hope to give you a colorful happy life with all my might as much as I could do for you... I want you to live a life better than my past. I love you dearly.

Love,
Antonia Lim